Down

I feel down. Like my day has really gone downhill. I really enjoyed reading the book a mango colored space, but I had no idea it would become sad. It is such a good book and I wish I hadn't read it so fast(I finished just as I got on the bus) The ending left me sad and empty. I was reading during the beginning of band while Mrs. Allen talked to the kids who are doing it about ISSMA. I'm not doing it so it's okay I was reading. Anyway it started getting sad when I was in band. That was when Mango died. Unfortunately I started to tear up and I really wanted to ask Mrs. Pote if I could run to the restroom just so I could let it out but I just didn't and ended up feeling unhappy. I miss my dad a lot right now. I'm actually not quite sure how I feel right now. I don't know if I want to talk to someone or not. I'm feeling confused. Perplexed as to what is going on at the moment inside me. What is it that I want?! I know I want my dad but I'm not sure about something else. Is it not wanting to go to school or do HW or anything at all or is it that I want to craft or cook? Or sing or practice flute? Or write out poetry? WHAT!?! I don't know! I'm just thinking WHAT am I going to do when I finish this post. I'll check my email maybe play a game...then what? I wish I didn't have any HW. I wish I didn't have the test in science tomorrow. Or the one in humanities. I wish I didn't have any school stuff to do so then I wouldn't have to make sure I do it and I could just figure out what I'm feeling otherwise. I'm feeling depressed that's for sure. Whenever I'm sad I always think I want to go home. Even if I already am home. I think it's because I associate home with me being content. I'm not sure though. Maybe I am sure. I don't know. Well, ya I do think that's what it is. I wish I had some chocolate silk pie. That was sooooo good. I think I'm going to cry just because that pie made me feel so much better when my dad died. If you don't understand this pie is one brought to my family when my dad died along with some other food from our neighbors down the street. It made me feel a lot better it was that good. You know I kind of feel like my relatives are the only other people who still miss my dad. I guess it's cause we were the ones so close to him, but it feels like is there anyone else who is feeling what I feel even though they knew him as a friend? Probably not. It just feels like everyone else has forgotten what we've gone through even though I know I'll never forget. I miss Mango. I miss my dad.