Two Thoughts to Offer

Okay so I'm bored so I guess I'll tell you of my two latest ideas. First I was thinking about all the new ideas for powering cars because Mr. E my science teacher has talked with our class a few times about new fuel sources such as hydrogen fuels and cooking oil for fuel. We've also somewhat recently learned about plans for windmills to be set up or something and that sparked an idea for me. Why not have a car that is a third wind powered and two thirds biofuel. Or even better a third biofuel, a third solar powered, and a third wind powered. Either way they could have a sort of mini windmill propeller thingy(you know...the fan) on the front of the car. I think it'd be best to have two on there but one would probably be simpler. Anyway they'd be situated in these sort of indents in the front of the car. Once the car is started with fuel or solar energy wind of course is created because you're moving forward and there you go it turns the propellers like a windmill and creates energy. I'm thinking about pondering this idea further and actually trying to figure out how the engine of a car really works and how windmills work. I mean you'd think something like this would exist it seems so simple, but it probably isn't. My other plan which is something actually I will be doing. I'm going to go to Goodwill and buy a bunch of clothes. Whatever I see that inspires me, any big colors, and size doesn't really matter unless it's too small. Anyway with these skirts and shirts and pants I'm gonna cut them and stitch them into different styles and maybe sew them together. I think it'd be fun. I've always wanted to do some kind of sewing clothing but I haven't felt like doing all that fitting sort of stuff and it just seems so complicated. But this I can easily do. Anyway there you have it. My current thoughts.

O. Wait... OOOOH! Also...Fiesta!

OOOOOH! I get it! Am I like eric because I haven't been posting? Well here I am! What have I to say? Ah yes how about FOTR. Most of you know that Laura, Eric, and I are in the school play "Fiddler on the Roof". My main part is as an evil spirit in a scene where Tevye the father of five girls is trying to explain a dream he's made up to his wife that will get him out of trouble for allowing his eldest daughter to marry the man she loves and not the guy who they recently had arranged for her to marry. I'm in a bunch of other scenes except I'm a background villager. Yesterday we had the understudy performance and it was a ton of fun. I had a great time and I just can't wait to do our performances on Friday and Saturday. I'm really happy about Friday for not only the performances but also because we're doing our Fiesta! project day thing. In the morning we're presenting posterboards that we made in groups. Each posterboard is about a specific South American country. Then were getting the team awards, playing games, cleaning out lockers, and watching a movie during lunch which will be hard and soft tacos from Qdoba. Yay! Fun day right?

I Feels It a Comin'

Spring's a comin'! I can feels in me right big toe! Ooh it's gonna be a good spring too. I knows it!



I'm really happy. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I'm happy. Like last last Thursday I had the first actually happy day I've had in a long time. Well an actually happy day when I've had school and not been with friends to get my mind off of things. Plus even when I'm with my friends I get sad at some point or another about my dad. Being happy at school for me is big 'cause usually I just have all this time to be tired and think and be bored, but I was actually happy. I really don't take joy for granted anymore. One moment you feel creative and jovial and the next your peace of mind slips from your grasp and falls flat on the ground. So often am I sad that when I'm happy or excited or content I'm all around even happier just because I'm any mood but melancholy. It doesn't really matter to me why I'm happy it's just that usually I'm in a bored or sad mood and I've been waiting and wishing for actual happiness that lasts and doesn't disappear after a little bit. I may sound loony but it feels soooo good to be in a good mood when you haven't been in one for awhile. I think it's spring that's a helpin' me feels happy, especially the pretty red tulips. I gots me some pretty red tulips in the kitchen a days agos from Sam's Club and we putsed 'em in a pertty vase that mades 'em look all modern and placed just right and nature beautiful tulipy flowerish.

Unfortunately happiness doesn't last forever. But thats okay because I'm happy right now and that's what matters.

Also, a lot of people think I'm over my dad's death because of my happiness and that kind of bugs me. I want everyone to be able to know that I still love him and miss him a ton. It's excruciatingly painful. It's awful. But I'm not gonna let that keep me down forever or even at all. I hate being sad. After feeling so unhappy it feels so glorious to be happy so that I try to stay happy. It seems kind of like some people think, I'm not sure, that I'm maybe a bad person or just weird or something for being happy even though my dad has died, or that I didn't love my dad because I'm still happy sometimes even though he's gone. And you know it isn't like that. I miss my dad terribly. It's just that when I'm happy I want to let it out and joke around and actually feel normal again. Some people ask if I still miss him as if I wouldn't still miss him since I'm so happy sometimes recently and it bugs me because it's like I have to justify my actions or my emotions. I still miss my dad!!! Okay? But I'm not going to be a depressed idiot all the time if that's what you think death should do to people. And if that is what you think then you've got it all wrong. If you've had someone die who you love I think you may be able to relate to the fact that it makes you sad and it makes you want, or at least with me, it makes me want desperately to be happy. To feel happy, and normal, and not cry. And you know, it gets annoying when someone can't control that competitive sort of nature that we all have when we're talking about how I've recovered after my dad's death. I mean I've had people say to me "Oh, well my this person had this person die and it took them 2 years to get over it." Okay well I don't care because I don't need to know how long it took them to, how you think, "get over it". Like anyone who's had a loved one die I have not yet and will never ever "get over it", I will always miss them but that will not stop me from living my life and being who I am.

Ya

Guys as in regular bloggers (Laura, Emma, Sheen, Soph, Eric, and Natalie) this isn't bout you guys. Infact I don't think any of you know what this is about. I'm just venting about someone else. I have it out of my system now. (PS Banana chips rock deliciously.)

Oh and you know what else?

My friends mean a lot to me. Their sympathy means a lot to me too. It will never sound fake to me. Your sympathy? Worthless.

Does It Ever End?

I feel betrayed
Shivering annoyed
Should have seen it coming
I don't write
Because of school poetry
But because it's what I've always done
So don't add that to the end
And don't talk about me
Like that
You don't understand death
You're just too stupid and too immature
You don't understand poetry or venting
Because you don't understand death
I was always afraid I would be talked about
And now my past poetry doesn't feel as good
You don't stop at anyone
Cliquish ways are your downfall
And you can talk to them about this
And say ooo she's weird
I don't care
Just don't talk about his death
And about how I let out

Hum-di-dum-dum-doh

I'm feeling very creative. So far today I've made a Jaguar paper mosaic(for school but I enjoyed it), a mini paper volano with a small aluminum foil tube in it that I can with with baking soda and vinager(although I can't completely remember if the vinager reacts with baking powder or baking soda), I think I might go on a walk with my camera later and take some pictures. I also plan on working on some poetry later too. Even though I'm thinking of this stuff I can do I'm still kind of bored. I have nothing really interesting to do. My mom thinks we should go see a movie, but I don't really feel like it. I would like to see the new movie out "Penelope" or maybe "The Spiderwick Chronicles" but I just haven't felt like going and seeing a movie for awhile now. I gotta think of something really fun to do because right now still boredish.